Reset With Renee

Meet Taylor Damiani: "Hi, I’m Taylor. I’m a Psychologist and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach, but honestly, I’m just someone who knows how messy and complicated healing from a dysfunctional family can be. Growing up with anarcis sistic parent (and all the dynamics that come with that), I get how hard it is to untangle yourself from years of self-doubt and expectations and figure out who you really are. It’s taken me a long time to start reconnecting with my true self (and honestly, it’s still a work in progress). Now, I help others who’ve grown up with narcissistic parents find their way back to themselves through my group program, Reclaim You: Healing as Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents." Find Taylor At: website: www.reclaimyougroup.com social: https://www.instagram.com/taylordamiani Taylor & Renee Chat About: Personal Journeys and Healing Work Taylor and Renee discussed their personal journeys and how they connected through social media. Renee expressed her appreciation for Taylor's work and mentioned an upcoming summit focused on cycle breaking. Taylor shared her own healing journey, which began in 2015 when she discovered Dani Morgan's website. She then pursued a graduate degree and eventually started her own healing work, with Renee being one of the first speakers at her first summit. Taylor's Summit on Healing and Cycle Breaking Taylor discussed her passion for organizing summits, particularly those focused on healing from narcissistic abuse and cycle breaking. The upcoming summit will explore themes of reconnecting with one's inner self, redefining identity, and becoming a cycle breaker. Taylor emphasized the importance of self-reparenting and becoming the person one needed. Themes Discussed: Transitioning From Dependency to Self-SufficiencyInner Peace and Healing JourneyCycle Breakers Healing and Self-DiscoveryExploring Invisible Experiences and TraumaSummit Details and Registration The upcoming summit, which will take place from December 9th to 12th - will consist of four days of presentations, with the last day being an interactive day of discussions and workshops. Each presentation will be available for 24 hours, and attendees can purchase an all-access pass for lifetime access. There will also be live speaker panels and peer panels where attendees can share their stories. Renee's presentation for the Summit is on the topic of Resistance & Rejection. Renee wiill offer a follow-up Q&A session for those who purchase the all-access pass. Register for Cycle Breaker Summit using Renee's Affiliate Link: ⁠https://resetwithrenee.krtra.com/t/IJuO2SNUZEYf⁠ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

I’m moving through a new phase of recovery & want to share it with you in real time. This is different for me. I historically wait until I’m “on the other side” of it for neutrality, clarity, & solutions. I do believe there is value in sharing “what’s real” in real-time. For me, there is freedom in honoring my truth. For others, my hope is that my story continues to serve those who are still searching for their truth. I hope too that in sharing I might help you put your puzzle pieces together too. My puzzle pieces to date have been understanding Narcissistic abuse & CPTSD recovery. I’ve made a lot of progress in many ways but there have been many challenges. Adequate support, enough safety, & the environment do matter on a recovery journey. Listen to learn how I entered the #hsp to #autism pipeline: Do get assessed or self identify? What the process was like Relief & grief as a late diagnosed GenX female An umbrella of characteristics, gifts, & challenges Masking & autistic burnout Lack of neuro affirming providers & why Co-occurrence with trauma "Canary in the Coal Mine" Overdue Reset Calling in neuro inclusivity & neuro affirming advocacy, support, & resources vs stigma --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

Learn why Renee believes CPTSD is more common than not! Lineage/Ancestral Burdens: 1. Inheritances of hurt 2. Frequencies of fear 3. Shadowy survival strategies Wounding in Your Lifetime: 1. Developmental Trauma (see ACES) 2. Relational betrayals 3. Secondary Traumas 4. The "Collective" Identify common characteristics of CPTSD survivors. See Blog: https://resetwithrenee.com/complex-ptsd-cptsd-traits/ How to move forward: 1. Clear out trauma energy to 2. Leave a LEGACY of restoration to wholeness 3. Create a Ripple Effect --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

RESOURCES MENTIONED:  1.  Prepare Enrich Couples Assessment:   https://www.prepare-enrich.com/couples/why-prepare-enrich/ --Preparation, Enrichment, Restoration  --Assess strengths & growth areas with guided support   2.  HEAL CLASS (Heal Emotions And Relationship Troubles) by Renee Fleming.  Contact for more details.   3.  Book - Thawing Childhood Abandonment Issues by Don Carter, MSW, LCSW   4.  Work of John Gottman:  https://www.gottman.com/  5.  Dr. Mark Hyman Meme IG:  “The majority of arguments between couples are around 3 main areas – control & power, care & closeness, and respect & recognition.”   SHOW NOTES:  Personal & Relational Change is driven by growth/safety or pain/crisis. Underneath most pain is a message/belief/question/fear about “am I loved” and/or “am I enough”? Needs, Wounds, Dreams (for Self, Relationship), & Fears can drive healthy vulnerability/connection or conflict/power struggles.   NEEDS:   A. Survival Needs = Basic Needs: food shelter, clothing, medical attention, safety & protection. If a child doesn’t feel safe, then they cannot relax & play; disrupts developmental growth. Protective mechanisms will develop for survival & will become an added burden later in life.   B. Emotional Dependency Needs = Basic & Primary Needs for Love & Esteem = Time, Attention, Affection, & Direction.   WOUNDS from “The Past”:  When NEEDS aren’t met and/or something happens or doesn’t happen that should in the absence of support. These wounds HURT & adaptive (defensive, protective, proactive/extreme/reactive) strategies are then developed & repeated.   Common Emotional Injuries/Wounds:  being controlled, excluded, abandoned, humiliated, neglected, abused, betrayed, rejected, ignored, & disrespected.   Suggested Partner Conversation: It might be helpful to discuss with your partner, how your families of origin handled or reacted to each of the main ”primary” emotions: mad, sad, scared, & glad. In other words, what was accepted/encouraged & what was avoided/minimized/shamed?   Self-Check:  Assess what is overdeveloped, underdeveloped, or appropriately skillful….?   #howtohuman #copingversushealing #whathumansdo #gottman #HEART #wholehearted #cptsdrecovery #innerchild #reparenting #emotionalintelligence #relationshiptips #resetwithrenee #relationshipcoach #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #connectinside #ifstherapy #narm #IT --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

This episode is an endcap to a series on having & healing the Father Wound. To understand what a father wound is see: https://resetwithrenee.com/understanding-and-healing-the-father-wound/. In this episode, I follow the 3 part blog on my website to share with you my story & journey as it relates to healing my own father wound. Our story may be similar or different, but if you have a father wound or experienced something similar, may you find comfort that you are not alone. It is hard work to be the cycle breaker of generational trauma. It requires a multidimensional approach beyond "talk therapy". Wholeness, peace, harmony, abundance, is medicine for the heart & soul of someone who knows fear, lack, scarcity, & conflict. If you think we may a good fit to work together I invite you to reach out for your own RESET. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

IFS parts work + an understanding of the 4 Fs of the nervous system (Polyvagal Theory): FightFlightFreezeFawn as these responses drive protective parts. Accessing I AM is essential for growth, healing, & recovery. Bringing help to I HURT parts is key for the whole system. Learning how to HOLD THE HURT is often hard without a process, practice, & support. See IG/FB for May 2024 posts on this topic for more information. Drop your questions for me to reply to in future episodes! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

Join a healing circle Wednesday May 8th 10 AM CST via Zoom to receive facilitation to connect to the Great Mother; a frequency that can tend to the Mother Wound many of us carry. Creating generational health means breaking the cycle of disempowerment that is passed from each generation until a cycle breaker does the deep & often challenging & unrecognized work of healing their hurt as well as showing up for the hurt of their family. Attend the event, purchase the recording, or listen to learn more about how to disrupt disempowering energy & activate personal power. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

Two General Types Of Journaling Processing - when activated, triggered, overwhelmed, flooded with thoughts or emotions it can help to “write it out”. Wisdom Keeping – capture & record your truth, your “knowing”, & the downloads you receive when you reflect & contemplate. Regularly review for reflection & to remember until it is complete & you have room for new wisdom to come through. Questions to Explore for a Regular Practice of “Checking In” Inside 1. Where am I holding fear? What is fear trying to tell me? Fear & shame are often carried consciously or unconsciously. Purifying that is helpful. 2. What do I know? What is the truth for me? 3. How’s my heart? How’s the space around my heart? Am I connected to my heart? What is blocking my heart? Parts Check In for Processing 1. Wounded Younger Part “I HURT” 2. Protective Parts of “I MUST, I CAN’T, I WON’T, I WILL DESTROY” 3. Self-Energy of “I AM” As you “Process Journal” you may notice wisdom, knowing, or solutions arising. This may be gold for your Wisdom Keeping Journal. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

5 Behaviors to Purify for Healthy Connections 1. Separation 2. Comparison 3. Judgment 4. Blame 5. Shame What we do internally we also do externally. It’s human. However, if done automatically, unconsciously, or reactively it’s going to create disconnection & disempowerment. What’s your Shadow & Gift in your Gene Keys? Renee has Gene Key #55 which is about moving from victimization to freedom (empowerment). Validation & rupture repair of hurt & harm is what we want when we have been victimized & it is so healing when given, but this is not the norm. Our cultural norm is to avoid discomfort. Unconscious reactions add insult to injury. However, staying “stuck” in the victim story or state isn’t workable long-term as it creates bitterness, resentment, & disconnection. Our culture has an epidemic of shame. Shame & its corresponding strategies have been passed down across generations largely in an attempt to keep certain people, places, & things secure & safe. Disempowerment, Disconnection, & Calling Out: Recognizing & drawing attention to problems is necessary for change & yet “calling out” contributes to separation. Instead, CALL IN what you want to create more of, amplify, or elevate. Where would you like to put the focus of your attention & intention, regardless of the outcome? What is the challenge you’re facing & how can you frame it into an invitation for yourself & others? Calling in & inviting is a better set up for all & increases connection, harmony, unity, & resolution. What gets in the way of that for you? Check in with yourself to see who & what is running your show. What parts of you use the above 5 strategies? How connected or disconnected or you to yourself & others? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

GIFTS OF CYCLE BREAKING • Empowerment: moving from victimization to “I am the one.” • Activation – if it’s in you or around you, it’s for you to turn towards. • Reclaiming your birthright, your inherited gifts, & recovering your vitality. • Moving from disempowered, transactional relationships to equal power + love + co-creating in alignment. • Realizing FEAR was given to you to PROTECT you & knowing that it is not needed in the same way. • Releasing FEAR & turning towards Courage & Conviction. • Moving from FEAR to Possibilities. • Seeing the larger context of trauma transmission across your lineage – across generations & taking the HURT less personally. • Being ok no matter what. • Allowing yourself to learn missed lessons & forgive yourself for past mistakes. • Knowing the PEACE that being the path of least resistance offers you. • Ending the cycle of relationships created in disempowerment & power over dynamics. Ending the passing of HURT & HARM. • Releasing shame as you learn that your “worst” was your “best” attempt at protection. • Releasing shame as you unwind conditioning & shake off what was projected onto you. • Pride & celebration that you survived & you have time to begin again. • Opportunity to pass gifts, wisdom, & love forward. • Owning your story wholeheartedly. • Be a lighthouse for others seeking safety & creating transformation at any level. Cycle breaking is for you, your community, & the collective. You are the epicenter of the ripple effect. Please "like", "share", "follow" and/or leave a review. To schedule your Reset With Renee email Renee directly: renee@resetwithrenee.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

HSPs can really struggle with energetic stewardship especially as it relates to boundaries & people pleasing.  Courtney shares her journey of self-discovery of being HSP as validating & illuminating.  Her drive to get to know herself, her purpose, & to lead her best life, led to the creation of her IG handle #wisperstomyfutureself & her own upcoming podcast show.  Courtney & I discuss the process, challenges, & rewards of: slowing down versus forcing, rushing, & people pleasingdigging deep versus skimming the surfaceresourcing & orienting vs living life in reactivity or autopilot.    We also discuss diverse ways HSP is being conceptualized as it relates to neurodivergence, trauma, & other diagnosis.  We agree a person can have HSP without trauma & also have a combination of both.  The depth, complexity, & perspective that HSP people have is truly a superpower and is a gift to the collective when embraced & not judged, shamed, or blamed. Take a listen to find the nuggets of pure gold that are helpful for all humans, not just those of us with HSP, & be sure to follow Courtney Raquel at: https://www.instagram.com/whispers_to_my_future_self?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/whispers-to-my-future-self-be-the-lead-character-of/id1722571854 https://open.spotify.com/show/4dATC2hHb9tYZGgVYFSn62?si=41cd5522456a4efc About Courtney: “I’m a life mentor who loves to help guide individuals towards their fullest potential. I provide personalized support to empower you to overcome challenges, set meaningful goals, and lead a life of intention. Through a unique blend of empathy and wisdom, I will help you seek positive transformation and growth!” #resetwithrenee #hsp #recovery #healing #boundaries #peoplepleasing #energy #purpose #boundaries --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

Gen X ·   "I dug deep, paid my dues, do what’s expected of me, absorb expectations– any other way is soft”.  ·    Where is the resilience, discipline of younger generations? ·    Stuck between boomers & younger generations – doesn’t feel fair ·   Dealing with ageism Younger Generations are challenging the Status Quo.  ·   Why devote all of me to a company that will betray me?  ·   Culture matters, values matter ·   Recognize the status quo isn’t working for them or anyone but those in power. ·    Challenging the power structure Each generation has differences & similarities: ·   Needs, dreams, wounds, fears related their world of work & in their personal lives.  ·  They also have overdeveloped & underdeveloped skills.    The person in the environment matters.  How can leadership encourage individual development & hold business to a higher standard of integrity for the good of all? What do you think would help make your work life more sustainable?  What do you see happening that drains energy, respect, & trust? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

GenX often feels a "rub" in parenting & in their profession or work life. GenX is the first generation to raise children in a child “centric” way.  Previously, children were to be “seen & not heard”.  GenX didn’t have access to social media or the internet, so they were not as educated or aware of differences outside of their environment. GenX takes pride in their work ethic & are often perplexed by the values & choices of younger generations at work. The GenX RUB is the holding of what they didn’t get, won’t get, & yet providing better or different for their children or younger generations they intersect with.  Parts of them may carry fear, frustration, resentment, & grief.  GenX may be facing the “outcome” of their parenting strategy.  Due to hard socioeconomics & the GenX tendency to engage in the “righting reflex” some adult children are taking longer to find their way or may be lost - leading parents to wonder what they did wrong & feel shame.  Learned helplessness & opposition are 2 common reactions when parented with the” righting reflex”. All generations have a chance to relationally heal when they engage in the 3 Rs:  Relate first, Regulate second, & Reason last. Also, the invitation for healing includes owning the story of what has been denied & disowned in favor of the “solemn vow”.  No shame or blame.  Instead got curious about family history & explore learning about missed developmental skills. Start with yourself first & invite your family to join you.  Be prepared that their support may be on a continuum & that changes you make today may have a lag effect until you see a changed outcome.      --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

Common Mistakes My Clients Make (With or Without CPTSD) 1.    Making decisions or interacting with others from a place of HURT 2.    Making decisions or interacting with others from a place of PROTECTIVE PARTS Do You Do This? Listen to find out if you engage in a power struggle between your parts & theirs. Stop the Fawn/Collapse or FLIP Many people on a healing journey have “go to” nervous system responses when stressed.  Shutting down via silence, people pleasing, or avoiding conflict is super common - & it may be crucial to safety. However, some tire of feeling disempowered, of feeling like the “loser” in a “win-lose” dynamic & might FLIP to “power over.”   Someone Has to Make the First Move A natural reaction to disempowered energy is to lead with PROTECTIVE PART energy (I must, I can’t, I won’t, I will destroy).  Your protective parts will trigger another person’s protective parts…& then you both are OFF to the races of a continued power struggle (DEFEND – ATTACK – DEFEND & REPEAT).   The Solution 1.    Exit the power struggle. Don’t stay in the place of “power over” aka “persecutor” & don’t stay in the place of disempowered aka “victim”. 2.    Connect inside to your own hurt & protective parts first.  This is attuning & attachment repair work that will help you embody personal power in a pure & clean way. 3.    Set an intention, align your actions, & embody your boundaries.  Remember other people’s behaviors are about them.  YOU can retain your personal power & avoid feeding the drama cycle or power struggle.  4.    For difficult/challenging people consider deepening your understanding of *Energetic Stewardship.     ·       --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

What is the common denominator in my work with clts? ·    Attachment vs authenticity & imperfect caregiving ·    Nervous system regulation 4 Fs & window of tolerance & polyvagal ladder ·   Protective Parts & Wounded Parts ·   Room to develop connection to self & others ·   Integration & connection b/w mind, body, heart, spirit, soul, & universe A CPTSD survivor has to reclaim their seat of personal power, spirituality, gifts & expertise, to recover.  Most people, unless activated by an external event, don’t sign up for the ultramarathon of healing work voluntarily – CPTSD survivors have no choice if they want to live a life of freedom & peace.  You want to learn from the experts, right? CPTSD survivors are cycle breakers & I can bet that if you don’t have the trauma history you will have likely encountered a tricky or toxic person, place, or thing that will challenge your perspective, skillset & capacity, AND invite expansion. I wouldn’t have asked for my trauma.  Everyone I know would say the same.  And yet, with healing our wisdom is unmistakable.  CPTSD survivors & our healing is a gift to the collective.    When you are ready to learn & grow you will want to work with someone that knows themself, owns their story, is authentic, & can guide your journey – a person that gets the challenge, knows the obstacles, knows when to nudge, & when to allow pacing.  Having a guide that can hold space & provide a path is priceless.  The outcome, no matter what, is something you won’t regret. It’s a gift you give yourself, your family, your community, & generations to come.  Join us in breaking the cycle of living, loving, & leading in survival, fear, & control & instead learn to lean in to connect.    --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

This is so common. People change over time & when one partner "awakens" to a healing journey, it prompts the other partner to stay with the status quo, "I am the way that I am" OR lean into an assessment of the relationship & their life satisfaction. You can both decide to grow & the relationship could grow or one or both could decide the relationship is no longer aligned. Sometimes the person that initiates healing gets left by the other partner. It has to do with change & capacity. In this video I reference: 3Cs 2Rs 2Ds Summary: Change is an opportunity to evaluate, evolve, & expand your capacity to yourself & others - no matter the outcome of the relationship. Stay connected to yourself, be present, mind your needs, communicate clearly, & allow the process to unfold. #resetwithrenee --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

IFS “this is what I’ve been searching for” full body chills – I want this!  Talk therapy wasn’t enough. Overview of the model Self energy 8 Cs: confidence, calmness, creativity, clarity, curiosity, courage, compassion, and connectedness.5Ps patience, perspective, presence, playfulness and persistenc      Exiles/YWP - "I hurt"Protective parts (managers & firefighters): I must/won’t/can’t/will destroy Professional training in the model: Level 1 & 2 in St. Louis 2010 & 2011  Personal therapy in the model & couples therapy       CPTSD is a different beast to treat. Common parts in CPTSD:  overthinking/analyzing/looping, pleasing, perfectionism/critics/guilt/fear. BREAKTHROUGH & BREAKDOWN: 40 - 49   · Breaking down is often the breakthrough but it is difficult. · Collapse of survival & manager parts; total ANS burnout ·  Dark night of the soul ·  Rebirth – a process of release, resolution, reclamation, & reimagining.  It’s a return home to your native essence, gifts, calling, & energy.  From there you can reimagine a different way forward. But first It’s a cleaning up of the internal & external world & it impacts every aspect of your life   I am not alone. Adults who have higher ACE scores, experienced abuse and/or neglect, & weren’t supported “enough” to meet their developmental needs start their adult life overburdened & underdeveloped.  They are set up to make life & relationship decisions that further set them back.  They cope as best as possible until they arrive at a place where they can no longer continue with what has worked for them before.  You are not alone.  The path of healing & recovery is available to you.  You have what you need to heal; you just may need some bridging & support along the way.  Beginning again, connecting inside, & using IFS as a starting point helps CPTSD survivors begin to turn chaos into calm, fear into clarity & confidence, & disconnection & separation into connection. Recovery & healing is possible.  A pathway of unburdening, integrating, & embodying exists.  I invite you to reach out to reset. #resetwithrenee #ifstherapy #ifscoaching #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #workouttherapist #cptsd #hsp #narcissisticabusesurvivor #divorcerecovery #traumainformed #emdr #psychedelicassistedtherapy #connectinside #howtohuman #wholehearted #embodied #integrated #harmony #healing #selfenergy #youaretheone --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

Power is useful, a resource; & can be used for good or to cause hurt or harm.  This episode applies to all relationships in your life.  The goal is to be in right relationship with others, each person in their personal power. If something feels “off” check to see if there is a power struggle, hustle, or leak.  1.   Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer triangle – know what it is & how to get off it. 2.     Unconscious Relationships -3 projects Trying to force partner to change back.Trying to force ourselves to change.Give up & close heart.   3.     Pure Power/Personal Power (From Tanner Wallace)   I have agency, choice & am empowered.    It’s not about what happens to you; it’s about how you handle it.   I have faith in myself & take aligned action moment to moment. I’m in my power; you’re in your power, equal but different.  I honor me.  I honor you.  I honor us but not at the cost of me What’s here for me, for us, & is possible now?         Right action, right time, no forcing.  Allow it to unfold to completion.        Discern what is the wisdom, insights, lessons.  What is it I’m desiring, want to deepen, embody, or lean into? Mind, body, heart, soul, spirit synched up   4.     What is circumstantial power? (From Tanner Wallace) Looking outside of yourself for your sense of being ok. Chasing: seeking validation, information, or truth from others. Hoping:  hope alone - with no aligned action, skill set assessment, is a recipe for giving our power away -hoping everyone else will do better or circumstances will change.  Delusional fantasy/wishful thinking. Grabbing:  when we don’t trust us or have faith in the process/path to unfold & force something not believing that we are ok or enough, have the necessary skills. Waiting:  decision making by default, deferring to another versus discerning the unfolding/evolution 5.      Other forms of disempowerment (from Gene Keys): Complaining -disempowering oneself, problem oriented. The energy of the complaint itself serves to strengthen the illusion that life is so very hard. Causes sustained general wear on our physical organism = energy leak. Freedom occurs when we see through our deepest unconscious patterns (fears) to the heart of this energetic.  Acknowledge the trigger,the unconscious root, & address the need for you. Blaming - We fire an arrow at another that removes self-responsibility for our situation, giving away our true power & presence.  All blame is an expression of anger projected outwardly but is not pure. Pure anger is a release of the primal energy of fear that may be triggered by an external source but does not target the source. The moment one blames another, one is again the victim of one’s own drama (Victim Triangle).  It is impossible to blame another for one’s fate & simultaneously realize that one is simply an actor in a play.  Everyone is their own main character; don’t take it in or take it personally that you are a collateral character in someone else’s story.      True freedom occurs when the arrows of blame are caught mid-flight before they reach their target.  No personal power in shaming or judging.  These are strategies we use when we don’t feel personal power. Personal power requires discernment not judging.   6.     Abuse of power When others power over you to gain the upper hand for them & keep you in a place of inferiority to serve their objective; hurt & harm are caused at an individual & collective level. ·       Gaslighting ·       Aggression, Dominance, Threat ·       Manipulation, Coercive control #resetwithrenee #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #coach #ifs #narm #empowerment #agency #relationshiptips #wholehearted #howtohuman #healingversuscoping #partswork #trailhead   ·          --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

For communication to go well: 1.  Capacity - Each person needs to have the time, space, energy, & privacy needed to be present, attuned, engaged, regulated, & able to self soothe. 2.  Having clarity of intention – is this about increasing intimacy through shared vulnerability; is it about addressing differences/pragmatics, is it about asserting boundaries, asking for pragmatic help of needing space for venting or repairing or resolving prior hot button issues? 3. Being open to outcome, pacing, & the idea of “chunking” 4. Lack of internal conflict is best or at least... 5.  Clarity that an inner conflict exists (on one hand & on the other) 6. Keep it simple -  “CLEAR IS KIND” or 3 Fs -facts, feelings, fair request 7.   Avoid polarizing statements like “you make me feel….”.  8.   Lead with questions that start with what or how NOT why.  9.   Avoid extremes like you always or you never.  10.  Knowing your core truth is essential – trusting your gut, staying stuck in your head, or being led by your emotions/heart can make it hard to stay grounded. 11.  Check your energy – speak from a place of personal power not circumstantial power  - that you borrow or manufacture.  Personal responsibility & accountability is more skillful than offsetting to excuses, reasons, or others. 12.  Avoid reaching, pushing, chasing, protesting, shame, blame, criticism, or contempt. 13.  You can say the “right” words but if the expression is NOT electroneutral – & carries a zing or energetic charge, the message has less chance of landing well. 14.  In fact, it will likely trigger defensive parts in the other person & communication will devolve into a defensive part to defensive part battle. 15.  Approach conversations with a “win - win” attitude versus a power over or power under strategy.  16.  Call a time out/pause when one or both people can no longer stay centered or regulated. The one who needs the time out (most likely the person who is least comfortable with conflict) needs to confirm an approximate time/place to return to the conversation out of respect for the other (not leaving them hanging & anxious). 17.  If overwhelm builds, ask for what you need to stay present (lower voices, sitting together, movement, holding hands). 18.  Or notice & name that the dynamic is going off track & invite the other to course correct with you.  Do this once, not repeatedly.  It is not dignifying or respectful to yourself to beg, plead, or chase.   SUMMARY Being able to self regulate, self reflect, self soothe is a good building block to brining your best self to relationship dynamics.  Wholehearted communication is clear, kind, & truthful and absent of power dynamics.  It’s best to honor you & honor them & allow the outcome to unfold.  Your ability to navigate, negotiate, & connect in relationships can profoundly affect how you feel about yourself, others, & the world.  If you would like support in growing this skillset I invite you to reach out to reset. RESOURCES For additional hep, consider: Book:  Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg Website:  https://www.cnvc.org/   #resetwithrenee #coach #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #reachouttoreset #healingversuscoping #howtohuman #cptsd #generational #transformnottransmit #cptsdrecovery #cptsdhelaing #traumahealing #ifstherapist #ifscoach #emotionalintelligence #relationalintelligence #relationshiptips #mentalhealth #wellbeing #relationships #rupturerepair #intimacy #acceptance #compassion #communication #capacity #selfregulation #selfawareness #selfreflection #selfleadership #selfhealing #selfsoothing #selfnurturing   --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support

INTIMACY = “Into ME” “I see” For intimacy you would need the following ingredients, steps, or skills: 1. Self-awareness: what’s happening inside/outside 2. Self-reflection: what’s working/not working 3. Self-regulation: How to down regulate or up regulateDifferentiation, Self regulation, & Attachment - Ability to hold onto Self (David Schnarch, author of Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationships) 4. Self-expression: Ability to articulate/verbalize aspects of your internal world, in a calm, clear, energetically clean manner & ideally to be received as such. INTIMACY WITH OTHERS It gets more complicated & challenging when bringing your Self to share with the “other” that matters to you.Trust, safety, & respect are prerequisites for intimacy.Taking your armor off or laying it down, exposing your heart, & allowing for your Self to be seen requires a safe context & sufficient skill set. BLOCKS TO INTIMACY  1.  Cultural 2. Personal/Relational “U Turn” & #connectinside · What are you thinking, feeling, sensing, doing? · What need, fear, wound, or dream is at stake? · What “usual suspects” are coming up to protect you? Can you tend & befriend them? Their energy, emotion, & message is a gift. When intimacy is shaky, get curious about what is driving behavior (yours or theirs). · Are you resonating with fear? · Are you resonating with the present moment? Here, here, now, now, what is possible? · Are you connected to your heart, your truth? · Are you in a state of contraction or expansion? · Do you need time/space to “rest & digest” & have you communicated that? · Are you focusing on growth, co-creation, & empowerment? SUMMARY There is a shift happening across generations. Old patterns of living & relating are being questioned, assessed, & when needed or desired, updated. You may not have learned the basic skills, steps, or ingredients of intimacy & you CAN now. To explore this topic further or to grow your relational skills... reach out to #reset! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/resetwithrenee/support