1. Acronyms
ANXIETY DRIVEN
Forget/Fuck Everything And Run
False Evidence Appearing Real
False Emotions Appearing Real
(seeing the world through defensive frames)
EMPOWERMENT DRIVEN
Face Everything And Rise
(note & drop the story, note the facts or problem, what is here now, what’s possible)
2. Fear creates discomfort, conflict or conflict avoidance, “anxiety”/non-neutral energy & power struggles -consciously or unconsciously.
3. The 3 Projects in Relationships (to “relieve” discomfort)
· Try to force a person/partner/situation to change.
· Try to force ourselves to change.
· Give up & close the heart.
-->“Fix IT or Forget IT”
4. What to do instead, “the antidote”: Be your primary caretaker.
· Do a “U turn” & connect inside with your discomfort/fear.
· What “story” about the past, present, or future is the fear or anxiety wanting you to be aware of?
· My most recent experience: I felt a mix of anxiety/fear/panic internally & once I was “with” the emotional & physical energy of IT, I was made aware of past experiences/stories of being managed, manipulated, & controlled. My fear/anxiety was basically signaling …. “something feels OFF & is this what is happening right now”?
· Moving out of the story allowed me to assess how I wanted/needed to move forward with a tricky situation from a centered place instead of an anxious or constricted place.
· Going “inside” can be challenging if your habit is to avoid, suppress, or deny. Ironically, going inside is the quickest way to gain clarity & calm about next steps. Think of “going inside” as a practice like exercise – reps over time makes it easier!
· In an intimate relationship, allow your partner to be the secondary caretaker & not “responsible” for your internal state. When you don’t project your fear outward, there is a better chance they can hold space for you, with you, to provide co-regulation.
5. Some fears are not even our own; they precede us from past generations & have been passed to you – consciously or unconsciously. A helpful book on fear based conditioning being transmitted across generations is: “It Didn’t Start With You” by Mark Wolynn. If this concept interests you, check it out! In brief the author invites you to explore the following:
· Identify the trigger to your fear.
· Identify the core language central to the fear.
· Determine whose story it is – from whom & where did that messaging come?
· Integrate & alchemize fear -helpful suggestions on how to release, return, or transmute the fear. Fear can be a dark energy given to you by others & having a process to move it is transformational.
6. Lastly, if you are in relationship with someone who is experiencing fear, this information applies. Be a safe space. Ask what they need. If they don’t know, offer or provide some options you know they appreciate, & honor their requests. Co-regulation, holding safe space with care & no agenda, is usually a winning strategy. If someone has turned to you with their fear, consider that a high compliment of trust.
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