Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting

Shawna Scafe, Professional Counsellor

When the clutter, motherhood, relationships, and life seem too overwhelming. When you have resentment and frustration every day – this is a sign you have been living on auto-pilot- letting life happen to you instead of living it ON PURPOSE. I’ve been there. Three kids under 4 and I decided to declutter my home and realized I was living my whole life on autopilot. I wanted more. I wanted to take action, be more present, have more fun! Enjoy my kids! I’m Shawna, You might know me as your Nerdy Girlfriend. I am a Certified Coach Practitioner, a Transformational Life Coach, and Registered Professional Counsellor-Candidate (RPC-C). I use the Enneagram, Faith and CBT as tools in my life coaching approach. I teach moms around the world the tools they need to set values and vision for the 9 areas of their lives so they can take the right steps towards living life ON PURPOSE. Find my books, course and blog at simpleonpurpose.ca read less
Kids & FamilyKids & Family

Episodes

209. What I hope you take away from the Simple on Purpose podcast (retirement party!)
25-06-2024
209. What I hope you take away from the Simple on Purpose podcast (retirement party!)
Dearest listeners, today is the finale episode where I share with you my experience of the podcast, answer your questions and sum up the takeaways I hope you have had from listening to the podcast.  Episode topics and related links the start of the blog My C-Section & The Feelings I Was Ashamed to Admit my two main goals with the podcast how the podcast has changed me How To Find Your Enneagram Type (and how it has changed my life) Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types) anchor words (Bless It and Release It came from Stef Gass) Making life adjustments  looking at decisions through the lens of our resources You Can Simplify Your Life Series our relationship with time Don’t wait for the Golden Years (seeing gold in the every day) growing through turning off the autopilot and taking an opposite action 175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot? 79. Six signs you are living your life on autopilot (and what to do about it) listening to your life Listening To Your Life Show Up For Your Life [series] What I hope listeners take away from the podcast (my wishes for you) It is ok to feel your feelings all episodes on feelings are in this playlist  if you can't access that playlist, start here with 156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions everything is hard AND awesome 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives. 207. Our judgements and assumptions of others (fundamental attribution bias and how it impacts our relationships) 201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk you are not alone 145. You aren’t alone mama, I go through that too 76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood) address conflict, rather than avoid it 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you? take care of yourself The Meeting Your Needs Series own your life I was a Mom Martyr, here’s how to tell if you are too and what to do about it Build a life based on your own definition of success, not everyone else’s definition small things matter 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect) enjoy your life When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them) 203. Being a mom who enjoys her life Enjoying the simple pleasures (why it is hard and how to do it) 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun Ways to stay connected Sign up for the Simple Saturdays email  Save the Spotify playlists, grouped by theme Email or DM me the topic you are looking for, I'm sure there is an episode on it and I will send it your way Of course, 1:1 coaching and counselling is available    Listener Faves This a list of episodes that listeners sent to me, as being their fave episode of the Simple on Purpose podcast The 'mom martyr' episode 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr) The most common search term, of late  When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them) Mindset for new moms  74. Show up for momlife with these empowering mindsets 73. How to deal with the emotional struggles of being a mom of babies and toddlers Letting go of our ego 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives. Building a sense of capability vs a sense of control 115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom? Hearing from moms of each enneagram type The Enneagram + Motherhood Series Various conversations around self-care The Meeting Your Needs Series Living on autopilot 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?
208. Improve relationships with this simple tool (bids for connection)
28-05-2024
208. Improve relationships with this simple tool (bids for connection)
Years ago I learned a simple tool that has improved all my relationships. This tool is about looking for the cues that others are giving us - and using those times to connect. They are called Bids For Connection, a Gottman term. I will outline what bids are, ways to respond, and how to simplify the process.  Before we jump in, 👉🏼 remember to stay connected through the Simple Saturdays email, 📧  you can sign up here.    Key points and related links What bids for connection are  Our marriage was struggling, here are 12 things that helped us heal and strengthen it When They Tell Me I’m Lucky to Have Him Why it’s worth paying attention to love languages and expectations in marriage Noticing different types of bids for connection in your partner, kids and friends Gottman's list of type of bids  Three responses to bids for connection (turning towards, away, against) Gottman research on bids and relationship success Applying bids for connection to parenting  Recognizing your own bids for connection, and unmet needs Benefits of responding to bids for connection with empathy 85. When empathy is hard in marriage and friendships 84. How parenting with empathy can transform your relationship 207. Our judgements and assumptions of others (fundamental attribution bias and how it impacts our relationships) Starting simple by noticing and responding to bids for connection Using bids to connect through presence, not just problem-solving 16. When did I stop enjoying my kids? Knowing your vision and values. The best waffles ever. 203. Being a mom who enjoys her life Full transcript (unedited) 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simpler purpose.ca. Welcome to this and on purpose podcast or right away. Announcement, I mentioned probably in the emails, at least maybe on the podcast, I can't remember that I will be wrapping up the podcast for the summer. And at this point, what I am deciding to do is actually retire the podcast, at least for the time being, I just shared this in the Patreon as well, because I'll be shutting that down. The main reason is that I am taking on a new job and going to be working more hours there. So it's a matter of me just juggling the hours that I do work because I do mainly kind of work school time hours. So I need to be very discerning on the work I choose to do. And I wanted to really choose the work that I really love the most. And for me, that's a one to one clients. So I'm going to unpack this a lot more, I'm going to have a retirement party episode coming up, I'm going to ask for your input your feedback. So watch out for an email on that coming soon. If you are part of the simple Saturday's email, you will get that, if not, I recommend signing up for that I will be continuing this simple Saturday's email, I'll put a link in the show notes on that. So in light of that, I want to get to the topic. And I'm actually really excited that this is one of the final topics that I'm sharing on the podcast, because to me, it is such a great tool. And it's such a great practice to bring into our relationships. And I've been talking a lot about relationships in the Patreon this month in here on the podcast. And this is a tool that is from the goblins. If you've heard of the goblins, they are a couple of psychologists and researchers. They are a couple. And they are all so these things and they use study relationships mainly love relationships. And their training for therapists is so good. I've taken it. I've loved it. There's so many practical tools and simple concepts. And this is one of them. It is called bids for connection bids for connection and I might just call them bids. While I'm talking about this. The first time I heard about bids for connection was at a time when we were at a really challenging time in our marriage. We had a lot of walls up a lot of resentment a lot of sc...
207. Our judgements and assumptions of others (fundamental attribution bias and how it impacts our relationships)
10-05-2024
207. Our judgements and assumptions of others (fundamental attribution bias and how it impacts our relationships)
We all make assumptions and judgments of others - but did you know there is a bias we have in our judgements? This bias shows up in all of our relationships and it can create an opposition and divide in places we actually want empathy and compassion.  In this episode we explore the Fundamental Attribution Bias, how it impacts our relationships and what to do about it.  As mentioned in the episode, you can find the Spotify playlists here, and sign up for Simple Saturdays here.  Key topics covered in this episode  The purpose of relationships, how this has shifted over generations Relationships and wellbeing: The Havard Adult Development Study  Making assumptions about others Filling in the blanks and mind-reading 199. Mindset traps to be aware of (cognitive distortions that might be holding you back in motherhood and life) Perception is a projection, how our judgements and assumptions can reflect our own struggles and opinions The Fundamental Attribution Bias How we judge the action of others vs how we judge: character or circumstance  The me vs them mentality (or Us vs Them) Examples of it in marriage 62. My husband put the groceries away wrong, he doesn’t care about me (love languages and expectations in marriage) Awareness and empathy 84. How parenting with empathy can transform your relationship 85. When empathy is hard in marriage and friendships Accepting the hard parts of ourselves 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives. Getting 1:1 coaching support Book a session with Shawna here     FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) Hey guys, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. I want to give you a heads up right away this podcast will retire for the summer. So just a heads up. Our summer starts at the end of June. I encourage you in those months to use the archives, we have over five years of episodes on all of the topics. So if you want to be intentional about listening to them, I suggest you use the Spotify playlists and define those, you can go to simple on purpose.ca and click listen. You'll find the links to the playlist we've got them on different topics like habit change mom on purpose, life on purpose, minimalism emotions, they're all there for you check them out. And this summer also follow along with a simple Saturday's email. If you aren't a subscriber, I definitely encourage you to join that that is just a really like, warm and cozy place that I love to be with you guys. It comes out every two weeks, so it's not gonna overwhelm your inbox. And I like to share some simple and purposes, purpose thoughts, some posts you might like. And that's actually where you guys gave me this nickname, your nerdy girlfriend. So it's a really great space to be. I'll link that in the show notes as well. Let's get into today's episode this month, we're talking about relationships. What is the purpose of a relationship? Is it to support your survival, emotional support, to entertain you to find love to find connection. This has definitely changed over the years of purpose of a relationship, especially if you look in the context of a marriage. It used to be about survival for a woman to be under the care of a man that was the world that was the culture unfortunately, it still is in some places. But even friends and communities, there was a need for support and survival, there was a need to do things together. So it is a more modern concept that our relationships are there to entertain us to make us feel loved to feel connected and seen and valued for the better and the worst, right, and that's a whole other topic. But we all know that we are a social species. And maybe some of us feel that it is definitely true, that relationships are important to us to our to our well being.
206. Finding peace through downsizing + decluttering the closet and shopping, with Renee Benes of the Unstuffed Podcast
30-04-2024
206. Finding peace through downsizing + decluttering the closet and shopping, with Renee Benes of the Unstuffed Podcast
When you think you need all the things and the dream home to be happy.... then you realize you need to shed the weight of 'stuff' and consumerism in order to find yourself and find peace. Renee Benes, of the Unstuffed Podcast, shares some of her story of downsizing, decluttering the closet and what it taught her about herself and her life.    In this episode, we talk about: Renee gave up her dream home to downsize and adopt minimalism The process of decluttering the closet, letting go of those clothes that no longer fit your identity or body How to navigate an appreciation of fashion with minimalism Capsule wardrobes, seasonal clothing, shopping  The influence of social media on us and how it impacts approaches to minimalism    This episode is a portion of our interview, the rest of the interview covers topics such as: Death and loss Raising kids Scarity and abundance  And even kid’s bday presents There is audio and video available for the rest of this fun interview!    👋🏽 Find Renee at the Unstuffed Podcast and on Instagram  ☕️ Join the Simple Saturdays Email 👯‍♀️ Be part of the Life on Purpose Community      Full Transcript Speaker 1 0:00  Welcome to the simple purpose Podcast. Today we have a very unique episode. This is a guest episode, which rarely happens. And the reason you're hearing it here today is because I have recently started the Patreon the life on purpose community, and I would like to offer guest episodes in that community. So I wanted to make sure and share some of the year so you can meet Renee, who I'm talking with today. And here's some of her story. Because I enjoy her story. You'll hear me tell Renee, that I have followed her on Instagram for years. And I was really drawn to her content, because she was talking about the things I was interested in about saving money, but like just the real practical, like discomfort and stuff about saving money and shopping. And she was talking about becoming a minimalist and how it was changing her life. And she was very laid back about it. It wasn't all curated, tablescapes and rose gold and just do these three things, and your life will be simplified, and it was really relatable. So Renee has a podcast called unstuffed. And she's also an Instagram I'm gonna make sure to link are in the show notes. What you're going to hear, hear, hear, hear, what you're going to hear today is a mini version of a longer episode. There's actually two more parts to this episode one is an audio podcast, and the other is a video and those will be available on Patreon coming soon. In this episode, though, we're going to talk about downsizing, Rene's experience with downsizing our home. We're going to talk about closets and clothes and how consumerism and social media plays into all of these things about our lives and who we think we are. So I want to just jump right in. I hope you enjoy. Welcome Shawna Scafe 1:46 to the podcast. I'm so excited to have you here. Renee 1:49 Hi, Shawna. Yeah, Shawna Scafe 1:51 thanks for having me. Renee 1:52 I'm excited to sit down and chat. Yeah. Shawna Scafe 1:53 So I don't often do well, I rarely ever do guest interviews. But I've been following you on Instagram, I was telling you earlier, I found you on Pinterest started following you on Instagram some years back. And when you reached out to me, as I absolutely like I've followed you for a while, I'm going to also be sharing some of this content in the Patreon only. So this was just really inspired timing as well, in my opinion, to be doing this interview with you. So aside from that, tell us who you are. What you do you know the basics. Yeah, well, thanks. Renee 2:27 I'm so glad first of all, that you still like me from the blog? Like thanks for hanging out. But um, yeah, I started my minimalist blog in 2017. After we had just downsized our house. We downsize our house by 2000 finished square feet,
205. Finding balance through ‘ENOUGH’: motherhood, minimalism, self-worth, and personal growth
12-04-2024
205. Finding balance through ‘ENOUGH’: motherhood, minimalism, self-worth, and personal growth
Our relationship to 'enough' can show up in all the areas of our life. Whether we struggle with discomfort, self-worth, setting limits, or offering ourselves more - we all can consider how the concept of 'enough' and 'sufficient' can play out in our minds, hearts and lives.  Key topics in this episode, and related links for more information Enough exercise for this season TRX videos in my workout playlist of videos I used and loved Setting boundaries with our phone Intentional phone habits (episode and worksheets) Having a constant need for comfort Type 9, How the enneagram changed my life Times of parenting that are so difficult and what 'enough' looks like in those seasons Difficult parenting Asking what is 'enough' when decluttering Can A Minimalist Have a Full Kitchen? Til We Have Just Enough Stuff Struggling with moderation and knowing what is too much and what is too little  Hurdles for women really knowing what is enough, for themselves. Relying on external sources to compensate our 'not-enoughness' 186. Doing life with less (summer challenge) 192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation) Having a mindset of 'not enough'  40. Does the ‘not-enough’ mindset show up in your momlife? (Scarcity/Abundance) You Can Simplify Your Life Series Looking at this through a faith lens   the BEMA episode on Genesis, Creation, Enough   Questions mentioned in this episode that you can use for reflection and journalling:  What relationship do I have with the terms 'enough' and 'sufficient'? How skilled to I feel at gauging 'enough' for myself? Where does scarcity show up for me? Where do I struggle to feel like I am doing enough/am enough/have enouhg? How has being online made me feel like there is something about me or my life that isn’t enough? What does the world around me, seasons and nature, teach me about 'enough'? Where do I feel like I have too much in my life? Where do I feel like I have too little in my life? Have there been times in my life when I felt a sense of 'enough'? How do I act, in the different areas of my life, when I feel like there is not 'enough'?   Looking for more? Follow along on Instagram Sign up for the Simple Saturdays email (twice a month!) Join the Life on Purpose Community  Book a session with Shawna    Full transcript (unedited) Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. So we're coming into April. And this is a weird season. It's like an in between season for me, because summer is not here, the Speaker 1 0:18 kids are still in school. But hockey is over which hockey took up for weeknights, and most weekends. So there's a definite, like, calm period, I would say, the boys are playing more Xbox. But they also move their backboard out of the basement, which is really nice. So they're out in the yard, shooting pucks, and I kind of get the basement back again, I can put the TRX up and I can do a TRX workout, which I really enjoy the TRX it's something that you hang from the ceiling or a door and has these two straps that you can like adjust with handholds, and it's a weight trainer, there's some really great videos online that I like to do. And I always feel it after even if I'm doing like a really quick workout, like, even 20 minutes, it's all my workouts are 20 minutes. It's something that I really am enjoying, too, I think it's really important to find a way to move that you enjoy. And really one of my goals is strength training. So I'm really happy to reclaim that my basement from hockey and many sticks. And I think, I don't know, maybe this kind of nicely goes with the topic of the month, which is the theme of balance and moderation. It's something I'm going to be actively talking about in the Patreon as well as we go th...
204. Reframing BALANCE in motherhood and work life
04-04-2024
204. Reframing BALANCE in motherhood and work life
The most common question I get is "how do you balance motherhood, life and work?". We are all seeking to have more balance in our daily lives and make sure we get everything done.  In this episode, I share my struggles with having a toddler and baby and looking for balance in my life. I share the common themes I hear from clients on the topic of balance. And I want to offer you different ways to define balance for yourself.  Main topics covered in this episode (and all the related links you might like): The Life on Purpose Community is open on Patreon Listen to a quick episode about what Patreon is and what to expect from the community Join the community here This month we are covering the topics of balance and moderation How our culture influences our definition of balance, and the societal expectations on moms, working moms and women in general How do you define balance? What has your culture told you about what balance looks like for a working mom? How does the workplace support working moms, working families?  203. Being a mom who enjoys her life The Meeting Your Needs Series 188. Motherhood & Social Media (how online communities impact your motherhood experience) 194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom (addressing the overwhelm of motherhood) Hurdles to being a mom who has dreams and hobbies 126. The Joy of Being Mediocre (hobby without the hustle)   Both my personal experiences and working with moms tell me that we think others are finding balance but we aren't We get the sense that others have found balance and ease in their life, we don't see their struggles or inner critics.  145. You aren’t alone mama, I go through that too What I Learned While Searching for Balance in Motherhood 201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk   Reframing the definition of balance can bring a lot of freedom to a mom who is struggling to make vague or unattainable standards of balance in their life 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood 149. How to find what matters to you (uncovering your personal values) Know Where You Are Going (why vision setting matters + free LIVE YOUR VISION worksheets) 190. Planning the day: my weekly routines and rhythms for work, home and family 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect) 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better 175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot?   Looking for more? Follow along on Instagram Sign up for the Simple Saturdays email (twice a month!) Join the Life on Purpose Community  Book a session with Shawna      Full transcript (unedited) Speaker 1 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend counselor from simple purpose.ca. Welcome back. Welcome. If you're new to the simple on purpose podcast, around here, we talk about ways to simplify your home, your heart, your life, and show up for your life on purpose. A lot of the conversations we have here on the podcast, are my aim at getting you to really step back and just kind of watch what's happening for you get awareness about yourself in your life, and how you're showing up so that you can turn off that autopilot, that reactive that default living that status quo, because if you're here, you probably want something a little bit different. You want something more intentional. And so we try to talk about being intentional in how we're showing up in how we're parenting and in how we're living our life. That's the life on purpose Park. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. So we can keep talking about all of the simple on purpose topics. And speaking of simple on purpose, how is your spring break? Was it simple? Was it on purpose? Maybe sometimes, maybe not all the time. I took our two weeks off here in BC,
203. Being a mom who enjoys her life
19-03-2024
203. Being a mom who enjoys her life
There are seasons in life where we feel like we have lost ourselves, especially in motherhood. We might feel stuck and like we aren't enjoying our lives. I want to talk to how we can move 'away from pain' or 'towards pleasure',  and some simple ways we can bring delight and passion into our daily lives.  In this episode, Shawna Scafe, Professional Counsellor and Coach speaks on: The language we use to talk about passionate living, desire, enjoying life, pleasure and callings What I have learned about 'callings' and dreams Times in life we feel stuck and how that can lead to lowered motivation Making decisions from a place of stress Two types of motivation: towards and away 177. Understanding what is motivating you (chasing vs avoiding) 201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk Book - Pure Pleasure: Why do Christians feel so bad about feeling good?  The way our culture, upbringing and our own assumptions impact how we enjoy our life The discomfort we might feel with giving ourselves permission to enjoy our lives, especially as moms and the guilt that comes up The way martyrdom holds us back from enjoying our life 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr) 138. Is momlife UNFUN? How to be a more FUN MOM, stop withholding fun from yourself Start with simple things  Show up for yourself in small ways Listening to yourself  Ideas on ways to delight in your life today   The Life on Purpose Community  In this episode, I talk about the upcoming post I will be sharing in the Patreon on the topic of How to Not Lose Yourself in Motherhood. If you would like access to this bonus content and join the Patreon community, head on over to Life on Purpose Community and join us there.  Full Transcript (unedited) 0:06 All right, this is Take three. Hey, friends. It's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. See, that was easy. I don't know why it takes me so long to do that sometimes. All right, so we're getting ready here in BC. For spring break, we're gonna have spring break with the kids home for two weeks. And I think we're all excited about it, it felt like life has been really busy with extracurricular activities, hockey, all of that stuff in so we're just going to hang out with family. Hopefully conor and I will get a night away, the kids will visit their grandparents just hang out around the house, I have the idea of making everyone watch the Harry Potter movies with me and going on family walks. But my kids have different ideas. They want to bike around with friends have sleepovers, and play video games. So hopefully we can do a bit of both. Today, I want to talk to you about how excited you feel about your life. And if you're already thinking and not excited, and is that even an option. That's okay, let's talk about that, too. When I was thinking about this podcast episode, I wanted to call it something like living with more passion, or passionate living, I actually don't have a title for it yet. So we'll see what I choose. This is language that I use for myself. ' But it is interesting to think even of the word passion, if you look it up, the Latin root of that word means to endure, to suffer, undergo. But in our modern culture, we usually relate the word passion to things related to lust or being fired up, we think it's really positive and energizing feeling in general, because I was thinking about other terms I could use. One was dreaming bigger with your life. But I think some people find the sense of dreaming bigger, childish, or even like pressure that where you are isn't enough. Enjoying your life, which is a slogan, you've heard me say, this is your life, you should enjoy it. And even when I do say that, I know that it can sound maybe unattainable or out of reach,
202. Introducing the Life on Purpose Community Patreon
07-03-2024
202. Introducing the Life on Purpose Community Patreon
I am going to stop spreading myself thin across the internet, and I am launching a member community in Patreon called the Life on Purpose Community. I chose this name because I want one of the overall goals of this community to be nurturing YOUR life on purpose. I want to encourage you to have passion in your life and enjoy your life.        In this episode I run through  What is a patreon? Building community and where those efforts are best spent The limits on public content vs private content Creating a space where content can be more unfiltered Being a content creator and having to decide where to spend your efforts Why I chose the name Life on Purpose Community  What exactly to expect in the Patreon If you are interested in the Patreon, learn more about it here.      Full transcript (unedited) 0:08 Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend a counselor from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose Podcast. Today is just a quick episode where I want to come in and share with you about something that I Low-key mentioned the last episode and that is the life on purpose community Patreon. So I mentioned it in Episode 201 that I was having a follow up episode to that podcast in the Patreon and I realized I know it's not something I shared officially about. So here we are, we're gonna do that right now. First of all, a question I get often is what is a Patreon? Patreon is a term for the app or the website. It's the program the program that is used to host a private members only community and many podcasters will talk about their Patreon. And often their Patreon is a place where you get extra podcast episodes that are private. So members in the Patreon can take a special URL from their Patreon group, add it to their podcast player and you can listen to the private Patreon episodes in whatever podcast player you use iTunes overcast Google podcasts. So Patreon is that platform. If you subscribe to someone's Patreon, then you can view everything they share in the community, you can comment on things, you can watch any special videos that they have shared, any special trainings, downloads, you can be part of the chat there, get the private episodes, whatever they have in their Patreon community. So that's what Patreon is, I am part of a couple of Patreon I, especially for their private podcast episodes. That's something that I was drawn to for these specific podcasts I wanted the deeper content that they had. And I take that podcast URL, I put it in my apple podcasts. And I get those private podcast episodes in my normal podcast player. It's great. As I'm talking about this, I think the first thing I want to talk about is community because to me, that's why I'm here. Back in 2020, I was running the life on purpose Academy, it was a member community, it was a coaching community, I had monthly lessons and weekly coaching calls, it was a higher price point. And every week, many of the same women depending on who could make the call, they would come onto this call, they would share their struggles, their issues, their questions, they would share support with each other in the chat. And it was one of my favorite things that I have done. It was warm and intimate. And there was so much growth that happened there. 2:48 At the end of that year of running that community, I did close the program for one, the workload had become a bit unmanageable with the way I had set it up. And I was also heading back to school. However, since then, I knew I just kept coming back into my mind that I wanted to have a community again, you know those things that you know, you're just gonna do them no matter what. It's just a matter of when and not if, to me, that's what creating a community is. Over the years, and one of the ways I actually tried to do that was the Facebook group. In the Facebook group, the simple on purpose community, I have shared a lot over the years I've shared tours of...
201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk
06-03-2024
201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk
Negative self-talk can our work-life balance or ability to manage parenting challenges. In this episode, Shawna Scafe, Counsellor and Coach, discusses how to identify common cognitive distortions and challenge them to help rewire your self-talk to be more empowering and motivating.      This episode is a follow-up to the introduction on Cognitive Distortion (Episode 199). Listeners sent in examples of situations in their day where they struggle with positive self-talk. In each example, I point out what cognitive distortion might be at play and offer some questions to open up awareness of other ways to talk to yourself.  Topics and related links covered in this episode normalizing the struggle with self-talk how negative self talk impacts us, vs how positive self-talk impacts us three things to know about how our brain works when it comes to negative self-talk using CBT to reframe self-talk (and cautions about using it as an emotional bypass) 156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions Scenarios covered in this episode: The inability to feel good enough at work or at home - the inability to properly balance either to the point of feeling like you could possibly be proficient in both. Window of tolerance mentioned, you can hear more about it in the Meeting Your Needs series When you have many littles, don’t get enough sleep often and are sleepy grumpy during the day and can’t seem to shake it! 74. Show up for momlife with these empowering mindsets 73. How to deal with the emotional struggles of being a mom of babies and toddlers 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives. When you work so hard to get everything done, just to start over again. And when you’re feeling annoyed at your family Byron Katie Hunt, Gather, Parent    Joining the NEW Patreon, the Life on Purpose Community! The scenarios covered in the follow-up Patreon Episode: When you just can’t get to that workout/assignment/project Walking into a room with confidence when insecurities seek to make you feel less than or unwelcome in a group setting. When I’m tired or sick - I find it difficult to not feel lazy when I want to rest. And though I know I should rest - it’s hard! When I'm procrastinating but have a work deadline looming Making it through long, cold winter days without much social interaction. It's so cold that I literally go to work and come home. I'm a teacher and don't have a ton of adult interaction during my days and I feel like the winter blues are getting the best of me. EPISODE TRANSCRIPT 0:06 Hey friends is Shawna your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast. Guys. How is it March? How is where did February go? Okay, February felt like a blur of hockey. I've been setting up a new office to do some local sessions and getting that painted and all set up and I just look up and suddenly it's March. Oh yeah, by the way, I had a kid turn 13 last month too. Isn't that crazy? What's also crazy is that means I've been sharing with you guys for almost 13 years because the very first thing I ever posted way back on a blog spot called duck tail blog was the story of my C section. And I had a lot of big feelings about it. A lot of disappointment and frustration and anger and and nurse had recommended that I write about it. That was the first blog post that really started this whole online community online relationship that we were able to develop and how it's grown, how we've changed how we've grown together. And now we're talking about things like cognitive distortions and motherhood and mindsets and just really keep digging in deeper and peeling off the layers and going deeper together, which I just I cherished so much, that you guys are on this journey with me and we can do it together. Alright,
200. Motherhood, decluttering, mindsets (the 200th episode, listener Ask Me Anything)
20-02-2024
200. Motherhood, decluttering, mindsets (the 200th episode, listener Ask Me Anything)
As a way to celebrate 200 episodes and 5 years together, I asked listeners for their questions on any topic. In this episode, I'm answering questions on the most important question to ask when decluttering, abundance vs scarcity mindsets, motherhood stages and seasons, and more from AMA (Ask Me Anything) questions Here are the questions that I answered in this episode, and related links to posts and episodes that you might like: DECLUTTERING 1. What is the most important thing to consider when trying to declutter as an Enneagram type 7? Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types) Enneagram + Motherhood Series 143. How to let go of IDENTITY CLUTTER 90. Declutter ‘what if I need it one day?’ items from your home with THIS shift 111. Decluttering decisions and guilt [Q+A] 110. Our relationship with stuff, and other decluttering questions MINDSETS 2. How to develop a positive mindset when dealing with a chronic illness or health worries of family members? 3. Did you always have an abundance mindset? If not, when did it change and how do you nurture it? (LISTEN) 40. Does the ‘not-enough’ mindset show up in your momlife? (Scarcity/Abundance) (READ) The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset) 177. Understanding what is motivating you (chasing vs avoiding) SIMPLE ON PURPOSE 4. What has changed since starting the podcast? What is the purpose of the podcast now? 5. What is your main source of inspiration for your work? MOTHERHOOD 6. What's something you're loving about your family's ages, stages and dynamics right now? 190. Planning the day: my weekly routines and rhythms for work, home and family 7. How can I best parent my middle child? 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them) 8. How do I know if our family is meant for another baby? FUN AMA 9. What is your favourite book? Books mentioned: The Glass Castle, Outlander, The Nightingale 10. What are you manifesting right now? 11. What's on your bucket list?     Working with Shawna, learn more here  The Simple Saturdays email, sign up here The Simple on Purpose Community, join here Instagram, come say hi!     Full transcript (unedited) 0:11 Welcome to the simple purpose Podcast. Today is our 200th episode. And for this episode, I wanted to make it really collaborative. So I went to Instagram and Facebook and email. And I asked for questions. I wanted this to be a q&a episode, where you are kind of opening it up and asking the things that have been on your mind, things you've wanted to ask me things you are interested in. So we've got a range of topics. We've got decluttering, and mindsets and motherhood, all my favorite topics. And I couldn't get to everything. So if you don't hear your question answered here, hopefully, I'm going to address it in an email in the Facebook group or in a future episode. Let's just jump in. The first one is on decluttering, what is the most important thing to consider when trying to declutter, I'm a type seven, and this person is referencing the Enneagram, that they are a type seven on the Enneagram. For those who have never heard of it, the Enneagram is a self discovery tool. It addresses our strengths, our stress habits, and something that makes it different is it addresses our motives as well. It's a tool that I use with clients who are interested, I have a lot of posts and episodes on it, I'll make sure to link those. A type seven is someone who avoids negative feelings and pursues the things that make them feel good. So it's going to look a little bit different for each person. But that type seven does has have the stereotype of being enthusiastic moving on to the next thing. And if you're a type seven, you might get distracted and never finish when it comes to decluttering.
199. Mindset traps to be aware of (cognitive distortions that might be holding you back in motherhood and life)
06-02-2024
199. Mindset traps to be aware of (cognitive distortions that might be holding you back in motherhood and life)
How we talk to ourselves matters. I was asked to share an episode on positive self-talk and want to open up with a review of the common mindset traps (cognitive distortions) we can have. By noticing these cognitive distortions we can better understand how we might be holding ourselves back and the impact our thinking can have on our lives and relationships. I will share the common cognitive distortions, what they are, and some examples that we might have in motherhood and life.      Topics in this episode and related links you might like: Habit tracking for the new year Habit Change, for Moms Playlist is right here) Positive self-talk consider what story and emotion are you operating from Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood) What are cognitive distortions The negative filter we see things through How cognitive distortions impact our assumptions and view of things  How they impact our behaviours, relationships and lives  Common cognitive distortions (wallpaper download form is below) All or Nothing  Our marriage was struggling, here are 12 things that helped us heal and strengthen it 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives. Overgeneralization  158. MVP/ Do you typecast your kids? How labels impact our parenting and our children Catastrophizing Personalization Jumping to Conclusions Mindreading misFortune Telling  Emotional Reasoning Should Statements Discounting the Positive  Minimize the positive Focus on the negative How to handle cognitive distortions how to pay attention to your thoughts, challenge your thoughts, the power of noticing and naming    The cognitive distortion downloads/wallpapers, if you can't see the sign up box then click here @import url("https://assets.mlcdn.com/fonts.css?version=1705921"); /* LOADER */ .ml-form-embedSubmitLoad { display: inline-block; width: 20px; height: 20px; } .g-recaptcha { transform: scale(1); -webkit-transform: scale(1); transform-origin: 0 0; -webkit-transform-origin: 0 0; height: ; } .sr-only { position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; padding: 0; margin: -1px; overflow: hidden; clip: rect(0,0,0,0); border: 0; } .ml-form-embedSubmitLoad:after { content: " "; display: block; width: 11px; height: 11px; margin: 1px; border-radius: 50%; border: 4px solid #fff; border-color: #ffffff #ffffff #ffffff transparent; animation: ml-form-embedSubmitLoad 1.2s linear infinite; } @keyframes ml-form-embedSubmitLoad { 0% { transform: rotate(0deg); } 100% { transform: rotate(360deg); } } #mlb2-12138647.ml-form-embedContainer { box-sizing: border-box; display: table; margin: 0 auto; position: static; width: 100% !important; } #mlb2-12138647.ml-form-embedContainer h4, #mlb2-12138647.ml-form-embedContainer p, #mlb2-12138647.ml-form-embedContainer span, #mlb2-12138647.ml-form-embedContainer button { text-transform: none !important; letter-spacing: normal !important; } #mlb2-12138647.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper { background-color: #f6f6f6; border-width: 0px; border-color: transparent; border-radius: 4px; border-style: solid; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block !important; margin: 0; padding: 0; position: relative; } #mlb2-12138647.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper.embedPopup, #mlb2-12138647.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper.embedDefault { width: 400px; } #mlb2-12138647.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper.
198. How to live each day with intention, as a mom (life on purpose and intentional living while in motherhood)
25-01-2024
198. How to live each day with intention, as a mom (life on purpose and intentional living while in motherhood)
What does it mean to live on purpose? This is a question I get from listeners who want to live intentionally but aren't sure how to apply it to daily life (as a mom, because mom life has a lot of urgency and autopilot wrapped into it).  I want to unpack how I approach intentional living on a daily basis as well as the bigger picture.    This is a listener question: how do we live each day with intention and purpose?  We will cover what holds you back from intentional living and how to get started with simple steps. Main topics covered in this episode (and related links): Feeling unmotivated with life For the mom who is ‘waiting’ for life to happen 177. Understanding what is motivating you (chasing vs avoiding) Feeling swept up in routine and living on autopilot  79. Six signs you are living your life on autopilot (and what to do about it) Deciding you are ready to make a change and pursue intentional living The Making Change Challenge Decluttering the distractions, to make way for living intentionally 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood 161. Why having LESS matters, the benefits of decluttering and minimalism Intentional Phone Habits Series The Eisenhower matrix (important/non-important, urgent/non-urgent) can help you set daily focus  Looking out for all-or-nothing thinking when it comes to approaching life on purpose The power of small shifts done consistently, to help you shift into intentional living 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect) 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better Setting your intention starts with getting to know what you want your life to look like 176. When you don’t know what you want in life. Life on purpose for the non-dreamer Having a vision to be intentional towards, what this can look like and tools you can try Know Where You Are Going (why vision setting matters + free LIVE YOUR VISION worksheets) Deciding what your future holds, on purpose and not on autopilot 175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot? Having more fun with life on purpose 138. Is momlife UNFUN? How to be a more FUN MOM, stop withholding fun from yourself Knowing your values is key to feeling like you are living intentionally How to get that feeling (why values matter + free LIVE YOUR VALUES worksheet) 149. How to find what matters to you (uncovering your personal values) Aligning your action with your values 69. Will a simpler home bring me peace? Other tools you can use to help you live your life on purpose The Life on Purpose Workbook Life on Purpose Roadmap   As mentioned in this episode: The enneagram was referenced, here is a series on the Enneagram + Motherhood  Hygge was mentioned, here is a post called Hygge vs Minimalism The Spotify Playlists for all Simple on Purpose episodes right here.  The Let's Get More Time Virtual Summit, registration opens in February  The Facebook group, a place for you to share thoughts and questions and support    Full Transcript 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome back to 2024 with the simple on purpose podcast. 0:09 So it's been a while I think my last episode was about a month ago. And I was in that winter break mode with the kids home and I took time off work. And it was really cozy and Heuga relaxing. We had lots of slow mornings, we had lots of stick and Puck that the kids were going to during the day and movies on the couch. 0:32 So coming back to the routine, the routine of school lunches, and after school drop offs and pickups and I tell you that like second shift for me that three to 8pm, maybe three to nine, by the time everyone's in bed,
197. Holidays + Grief, Family Dynamics, Boundaries, Self-Care and Joy – tips from a counsellor
19-12-2023
197. Holidays + Grief, Family Dynamics, Boundaries, Self-Care and Joy – tips from a counsellor
This is part 2 of the situations that can feel tough around the holidays. We explore how we deal with grief, family dynamics and clashes and ways we can take care of ourselves and look for ways to enjoy what is available to us. Tips from a counsellor to consider for the holiday season.      Main topics of this episode: Part 1 unpacked topics like anticipatory anxiety, routines, loneliness, overspending and transitions  196. When The Holidays Feel Hard (stress, anxiety, loneliness, overspending, transitions)- tips from a Counsellor Dealing with grief over the holidays When you need permission to grieve The 4 tasks of grieving Canadian Grief Support mygrief.ca Family dynamics Owning your own values  149. How to find what matters to you (uncovering your personal values) Family roles  8 common family roles 134. Do you typecast your kids? (Labels + how they impact our parenting and our kids) Boundaries help maintain a relationship vs barriers which block a relationship Knowing when to use each one Coping well, taking care of your capacity over the holidays  The Meeting Your Needs Series Bringing the fun with you, you are allowed to enjoy moments 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives. Finding Joy In Your Every Day (#theperfectmomentsproject) 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun Five Tips to Make Your Christmas Simpler and More Enjoyable When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them) Sign up for the Simple Saturdays email here   FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:10 Hi, It is Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend counselor from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. And I'm just going to jump right into it. This episode is a follow up to 196 When Christmas feels hard, in that we introduced the concepts of making one shift for yourself this Christmas in the US things that feel hard. And we talked about anticipatory anxiety that you might be feeling stressed around the lack of routine, the pressures that we feel on Christmas spending money, being alone at Christmas being in a time transition. So those were all really great intros in situations that were shared. And I'm going to pick up and continue on with the topics of grief, family dynamics and boundaries. So the topic of grief was shared in the scenarios that women shared about the things that feel hard at Christmas. So there are things that we are grieving, we might be grieving this deed of the world right now, we might be grieving, a loss of what we thought this year would be. Maybe we're walking through a loss a loss of a person that you love, a loss of a relationship, a loss of a family, or friends system as you knew it. And if if someone has lost someone in the recent years, they're going through these seasons of life without that person for the first time. If someone has had a divorce or changes in their family, even if it was wanted, they're still left with this blank space that was once filled with familiar patterns and people and traditions they could rely on. And they know there are people grieving losses that happened over the past few years and didn't really get a chance to mourn during COVID Things have gone unaddressed. And new griefs can trigger old griefs. I wanted to share an experience that I had with grief around Christmas time. A few Christmases ago, during COVID, my mom had what was suspected to be a mini stroke, and she already had dementia. So from this, she was put into the hospital and then moved into a care facility. But at that time when it first happened, and she was in the hospital, she couldn't talk. She wasn't very responsive. She had to be spoon fed, she was in a wheelchair. And this was such a dramatic contrast to where she had just been. I mean, my dad had taken care of her for years.
196. When The Holidays Feel Hard (stress, anxiety, loneliness, overspending, transitions)- tips from a Counsellor
19-12-2023
196. When The Holidays Feel Hard (stress, anxiety, loneliness, overspending, transitions)- tips from a Counsellor
I asked listeners to share the tough scenarios they expect to encounter during the holidays and Christmas. I will start with Part 1, going through the themes of scenarios and sharing an idea on a shift you can try to make this season, from a counsellor's perspective.  The goal is to give you some tools on how to handle the reality that life can still be hard and things can feel tough, especially around this time of year.   The interview with Brandi Hofer of Colour Me Happy Community  On Youtube - Brandi Hofer Studios On the podcast - Colour Me Happy Community   Main topics covered in this episode: The expectations of Christmas/The Holidays vs the emotions we carry as humans 156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions Anticipatory anxiety, one way to deal with it 174. Christmas hygge ideas + understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood Tough scenarios during the holidays, lack of routines 115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom? Overspending to make the holidays FEEL good 141. When shopping isn’t making your life better (mindful and minimalist tips for shopping) Being alone or missing family during the holidays Times of transition during the holidays  67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr) Simple Christmas (all posts here)   FULL TRANSCRIPT 0:10 Hey friends, it's Shawna Scafe, your nerdy girlfriend and counsellor from simple on purpose.ca I thought I would add my last name in there because I never say it and you're probably reading it and don't really know how to pronounce it. So nice to meet you guys. My Instagram used to be Shawna Scafe. But the way it was written everyone thought it was Sean is cafe. And people were genuinely wondering where my cafe was. And that would be so dreamy to have a cafe so but I don't, I don't have a cafe. So I just changed my instagram name to simple on purpose. Anyways, here you are, you're at the simple and purpose podcast. Welcome. And today has been a really busy day. This morning, I did an interview with brandy Hofer. She is a Canadian artist. She's a muralist. She's a portrait artist. She's an educator, she's a speaker, and I have followed her work for actually a lot of years now. And I just love her work. It's so beautiful. It's like a feast for the heart. It's just so wonderful. And I recently had commented on one of her Instagram posts, and she wrote me right back, and she asked me to come on your podcast, which was so cool. On one hand to be asked, because I just admire her so much. And on the other hand to realize she had a podcast, I hadn't missed that in the Instagram algorithm. So I said, Yes, I started listening to her podcast, it's called Color Me happy, which is also the name of her book that I just ordered. I'm excited about it. Because the more you talk to her and the more you listen to her podcast, the more you see just how have a real deal. She is like genuine, honest, open and passionate, like you can feel her passion for what she does, and for empowering other women. So her podcast is about being a community for motherhood and art, you don't have to be an artist to listen to it really like I listened to it. And it's women talking about issues that women deal with in different areas of entrepreneurship and motherhood. So I'm gonna link her in the show notes, I recommend following her everywhere, and getting your book in follow your podcasts, especially because she's Canadian. And we let just love fellow Canadians around here, don't we? So then, after I did that, I went to put on my long johns, because there's snow here today walk down to my kids school, because they're all in the same school this year. And because they're in the same school, I thought I should probably help out, I should be more involved. So I signed up to become a noon hour supervisor, which as I say it, I'm like,
195. The cost of ‘earning’ your rest
07-12-2023
195. The cost of ‘earning’ your rest
A major hurdle that many of us moms to rest is the underlying belief that we need to 'earn our rest'. In this episode, Professional Counsellor and mom of three unpacks how this belief impacts our abilities to rest well, our relationships and our coping habits.      This episode is in follow-up to Episode 194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom  In this episode, we discuss topics such as: relaxation vs pseudo-rest, burnout opportunity costs, and how we insert ourselves into the equation 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience) 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood the cultural views on motherhood, being lazy, and earning rest how we apply the logic of 'earning rest', seeking external validation, martyrdom 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr) 192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation) the escape hatch, dealing with our feelings 185. Emotional needs in motherhood (what they are and how to meet them) 142. What will change cost you? (Paying the status quo or investing in change) Show up for your life getting the cycle backwards between rest and hard work the Instagram post you all loved about rest the cycle of hyper-productivity then crashing meeting your needs the series is right here  Join the Simple Saturdays newsletter right here    FULL TRANSCRIPT 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast. 0:17 So if you're new here, welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three kids in Canada, I am a counselor. And my aim is to equip you with tools and ideas and insights that help you live more simply and more intentionally, in all the areas of your life. 0:31 So this episode is a follow up to the last episode where I was unpacking that concept of asking yourself in moments where you are finding yourself with a desire to relax, am I being lazy? Or am I overwhelmed, because when we can differentiate between the two, we can handle it accordingly. 0:48 When we're overwhelmed, we've maxed out we've reached capacity. And I've talked about that window of tolerance. That's that range where we feel a sense of resource and ability to deal well with the day in all its demands. being overwhelmed takes us out of that window of tolerance. And we have this dilemma of actually being worn out and needing rest. But then that voice comes in that says, if you're resting, you're lazy, you should be doing this or that. 1:09 So in that moment, we have a choice, we can be lazy, or we can go and get more things done. One leads to guilt fueled pseudo arrest, the other leads to even more burnout. 1:20 A concept I've shared over the years is the concept of opportunity cost. And that is the acknowledgement that when we say yes to one thing, we say no to the other, and vice versa. 1:30 For example, if I say yes to a day of work, and all that comes with it, career advancement, maybe job satisfaction, a wage, etc, then I say no to maybe being a stay at home, parent, and all the stuff that would happen then if I was a stay at home parents, someone's there to do chores, make meals, childcare, whatever, vice versa, there's no wrong choice. I'm just saying these simple choices, we are weighing against our own values and goals have a cost on either side. 1:56 But as moms when it comes to the opportunity cost of rest. We live in a culture where we have put ourselves into the transaction. 2:04 We tell ourselves this math, if I say no to me, resting, I say yes to getting more stuff done. And since I live in a culture where busy is glorified, I should choose that. Or vice versa. If I say no to getting stuff done, I'm saying yes to me being a lazy mum.
194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom (addressing the overwhelm of motherhood)
07-12-2023
194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom (addressing the overwhelm of motherhood)
Do you ever find yourself trying to rest or relax and get this nagging voice telling you that you are being lazy? As moms, this can be a nightly experience, when we finally get the kids down and would like to unwind. Instead, our R&R gets hijacked by this notion that if we aren't doing chores, hobbies, exercise, etc then we are being lazy.  But, odds are you are NOT a lazy mom, rather you are overwhelmed.      In this episode we cover some of these topics (and related links you might like): The original blog post When I realized I wasn’t a lazy mom, I was just overwhelmed Naming our experience The power of naming our emotions (how affect labelling can improve your emotional intelligence) Societal expectations on moms 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience) Self-definition (limiting identities) 76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood) Three ways we are exhausted during the day Physical exhaustion Emotional exhaustion, mirror neurons, our kids' emotions 117. Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type) 119. Tolerating tough emotions in our kids (and ourselves) 113. Why you aren’t thriving in motherhood (stress and surviving) Mental exhaustion, mental load, decision fatigue 144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE The counter-argument of 'just be more organized' 11 Things That Make My MomLife Simpler 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better How do we handle this voice telling us that we are lazy Window of tolerance understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood 153. How to move from ambivalent to ambitious (making change takes more than just willpower) Knowing when you are overwhelmed and when you are feeling lazy 180. Self-care, self-comfort, self-love & what we have learned from our mothers 129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it. Get the wallpapers for the Beautiful Words Episode right here  All of the Simple Christmas posts are right here    FULL TRANSCRIPT 0:00 Hey it's Shawna, you're near to go find a counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the Simplon purpose podcast. 0:17 So it's December guys we made it is December. And today when I'm recording this, it's snowing in BC, which I know what's going to make it beautiful here, except I have to drive out of town for a hockey tournament. So That's never fun to be driving through these kinds of conditions. But hey, that's the life of a Canadian parent with a kid in winter sports, traveling through all the conditions, bringing all the snacks and the vitamins and the gear is just like a whole thing, isn't it? 0:42 So we're in December, many of us are thinking about Christmas planning for it, whatever you're celebrating, we're thinking about it. And I do like to share content that is seasonally relevant. And often I would share a lot of posts about Christmas. But I've shared so much in the past that I'm not going to rehash all of it. Again, I'm just going to lead you to the archives of all of the posts all of the episodes about all of the things when it comes to simplifying Christmas, and having your Christmas be intentional and purposeful in something that you just show up for and enjoy. So stop by the link in the show notes for a little landing page for all of that. 1:19 I'm going to talk about a well loved post that I shared a few years back called I stopped calling myself a lazy mom. And when I wrote it, I was writing it from that experience of feeling like I was momming hard all day long, three small kids. 1:34 Just reminder, my kids now are 12,11, and nine. So when they were all at home, they were all like close in age and it was like hot, hot and heavy situation.
193. Beautiful words that embody simple + intentional living
21-11-2023
193. Beautiful words that embody simple + intentional living
Words are incredibly powerful, they can communicate exactly what you are thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, in sometimes as little as a single sentence. But that only works when we understand ourselves and have the vocabulary necessary to name our lives. Join me today as I talk about nine beautiful words from other cultures that capture the heart of simple and intentional living and discuss how they can influence your life.     Naming our experience  The power of naming our emotions (how affect labelling can improve your emotional intelligence) 117. Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type) The Facebook Community Group  Hygge Hygge vs Minimalism Three ways to bring hygge into your daily life 174. Christmas hygge ideas + understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood 30 Ways to Hygge When It Is Cold Outside   Lagom 164. How I am finding balance in my life this year 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood   Sisu 11. The Finnish Way (sisu) + Do we need so much pantry space? 49. Facing change and uncertainty with a growth mindset 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you? 15 Practical Tips for Moms to GET STUFF DONE   Kaizen 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect) 11 Things That Make My MomLife Simpler 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better 150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement 3. Brain dump, kid’s clothes storage, minimum baseline to change habits. 175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot?   Meraki 192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation) For the mom who is ‘waiting’ for life to happen 176. When you don’t know what you want in life. Life on purpose for the non-dreamer Hurdles to being a mom who has dreams and hobbies 191. Are you idling on your goals or moving them forward (passive action vs massive action) 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun   Simple Christmas, and The On Purpose workbooks The Simple Christmas Planner All the Simple Christmas posts Life on Purpose Academy All of the On Purpose Workbooks   Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month) 📱GET THE WALLPAPER downloads for the words discussed in this episode   FULL TRANSCRIPT  0:10 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. 0:18 So welcome new friends, old friends, this is a podcast for anyone looking to be more intentional with how they're living. And we talk about ways that you can declutter the home, the heart, the life, in order to make space to get rid of the distractions and the clutter and make space for the important things, the things that matter to you. 0:37 And to let you know who I am, if you're new here, I'm Shawna. I am a Canadian. And I am a mom of three as well as a counselor. And I've been blogging for about a decade at simple on purpose, where we talk about decluttering intentional living and motherhood and I offer coaching and counseling services. Online. I'm an online counselor if you are looking for an online counselor coach. 0:59 Alright, so today I want to share some of my favorite words with you. And these are not English words. But these are words that you might have seen floating around the internet, and maybe you haven't heard some of them. They are words that I've picked up through the years. And I've probably shared about some of them, and I've just pondered on them. And I'm sharing these specific words, there's going to be nine of them for two reasons. 1:20 The first reason is that they are words that embody a lot of the concepts,
192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)
07-11-2023
192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)
We live in an audience-performer culture it is hard to know which decisions we are making for ourselves and which ones we are making for others. What you buy differently, how would you spend your time differently, how would you be differently without feeling like the world is watching?     In this episode: The song that started it all: "Who Are You When I'm Not Looking" by Blake Shelton  How hard it can be to 'play' as an adult 126. The Joy of Being Mediocre (hobby without the hustle) Doing things for an outcome Fashion, identity, and societal influences  Simple style posts (capsule wardrobes, 30for30 challenge, dressing your age) Spending habits The Audience-Performer culture of social media  Influencers in the wild (article on it here) What is sacred vs what is for sharing online Our lives as content, for external validation and approval  Being part of society, while also being ourselves 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (How Online Communities Impact Your Motherhood Experience) Being valuable and fitting in Learning self-definition through the reflection of others Moving from external validation to internal validation   134. Do you typecast your kids? (Labels + how they impact our parenting and our kids) Women and beauty standards of our culture  What does it mean to be a woman when no one is looking? Making decisions that are true to you and your passions and preferences, how to get started in small ways Validating the little things for yourself    Connect! Make sure to share your thoughts and questions in the Simple on Purpose community facebook group! What would you like to hear about when it comes to the topic of Simple Living? Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)     Full transcript (unedited) 0:10 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simpler purpose podcast. Around here we talk about ways to simplify your home, your heart and your life. So my aim is to help us all slow down, quiet the noise, remove the distractions and just look up for a minute at your life and consider what you want to keep and what you want to let go of. 0:35 So this week, I'm a little under the weather, I took a sick day yesterday. And that actually worked out well because one of my kids needed a soul care day. So we took it slow together, we each took turns having a hot salty bath with a TV show on the iPad and warm drinks. We did some brain dumping on paper, you know, get out all those stressful thoughts and feelings inside, listen to music went and bought vitamins. It was a it was kind of a beautiful day, even though I didn't feel great. And I think hot, salty baths, match that with a coffee and an Advil, boom, this is this is why I'm here right now, I can make some progress over the next four hours of my day. And then I'm probably going to move on to burgers and a hot toddy. Because I'm pretty sure that's the cure for a cold. And I should be good by tomorrow. I'm sure of it, I'm sure of it. 1:25 So today I want to talk to you about a concept that has just been rattling around in the back of my brain for years now. And it's a notion that I like to hold up to the different areas of my life. And just consider how it shows up in these different areas. So I think about it often. And I wanted to share it here because I think it might be interesting to you maybe even helpful for you too. And I'm going to share this concept by sharing some quick stories. I promise they're all gonna end up going in the same direction. But it's a little bit of circle time vibes right now. So go get a pillow and a coffee meet me on the circle rug. 2:02 On a cold Canadian day in February, almost 13 years ago, I was in early labor with my first child. My husband was driving us to the hospital in the hospitals over an ...
191. Are you idling on your goals or moving them forward (passive action vs massive action)
24-10-2023
191. Are you idling on your goals or moving them forward (passive action vs massive action)
When we think about the motivation we have to take action, we can sometimes take action that is more passive. The type of action that feels productive but doesn't quite move us in a forward direction. This concept from Brooke Castillo contrasts passive action and massive action.    In this episode, I discuss topics such as: How simplifying the home leads to an aim for intentional living living intentionally and overcoming complacency self-motivation and limiting beliefs the concept of passive action vs massive action the discomfort of taking action The upcoming workshop on motivation can be found right here at the Life on Purpose Academy  Related episodes you might like 140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you? 175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot? Two Months In To The #onesmallhabit Challenge Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)   Full Transcript (unedited) 0:11 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy Brooklyn counselor from simple americans.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. If you're new here, welcome. I'm Shawna, I'm a mom of three. And the whole aim of this podcast is to just be a time for us to take a minute, slow down. Take a breath. I know sometimes I just hear that word breath. And it reminds me to take a breath. And my aim is to help you to stop and take stock of what feels like too much. What maybe it feels like not enough. Where are we on autopilot? What is distracting us? And most importantly, what do we want? What do you want? And I aim to help you move forward with all of these questions, I aim to help you simplify and it might start with decluttering, your home, a drawer or a closet. And we're quickly going to see as I did that, decluttering it helps us to declutter ourselves, if decluttering our space helps us to declutter ourselves. And as we do that, we're also inspired to declutter our lives. And so I often say, I'm here to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life. But all of that clearing that space so that we can fill it with something different so that we can fill our homes, ourselves, our hearts, our lives, our days, with what matters to us. And that's the life on purpose part. So I'm just want to acknowledge that this recording is different. I'm in a hotel right now. And right before I was leaving, yesterday morning, I was searching that was everywhere for this special little adapter that I needed. So I could plug in my microphone, my usual microphone to the computer that I was bringing the laptop. I couldn't find it anywhere. It's such a mystery to me where it has gone. So when I do finally find is going to be somewhere probably ridiculous. Like a kid's duffel bag in the basement or an old like, bin of wrapping paper or something i I'm just it's a mystery of where I could put it anyways, I'm in a hotel right now I'm at a conference, I'm at a counseling conference, and learning some great things, meeting some great people. Anyways, here we are on a Friday night together in a hotel. 2:15 And I am also going to say it's been a long day for me my brain. It's Monday, it's been a long day, and seven o'clock. And I thought yeah, maybe I can just push this episode back a week. But I needed to tell you about the motivation workshop I'm holding on Friday. And I needed to get this done so that it could be edited this weekend. So I need to get it done tonight. So I had to motivate myself. I had to use all my own tools to get this done. Do all of my motivation tricks. Here we we talk a lot about being on autopilot, and about moving into living intentionally living on purpose. And I think sometimes about who I was pre life on purpose, pretty simple on purpose. And just how complacent I was how reactive I was. I was living in a house that had a lot of stuffs.
190. Planning the day: my weekly routines and rhythms for work, home and family
10-10-2023
190. Planning the day: my weekly routines and rhythms for work, home and family
This is part two of a two-part series about planning your day. If you haven't listened to part one (episode 189), I highly recommend you do so and then come right back to listen to this one. Join me as I guide you through a typical day in my life as a work-from-home mom. I discuss how I use time-blocking, rhythms and answer your questions .   In this episode I discuss:  My typical weekday  My weekly rhythms for work, home and family Time-blocking  How the changing seasons also change my days Family life, priorities and routines Answering some questions I’ve been asked about planning my days Exercise, laundry, meal prep, groceries, planning the week Derailed plans    All the fun links you might enjoy  Family rhythms (setting your own, and worksheets) Family Rhythms + free worksheet Planning the week with your partner What happened in my marriage when we started weekly calendar meetings Exercise for wellbeing 184. Movement as self-care (exercise for wellbeing, not weight loss) Establishing a chore routine 61. How we introduced chores to our kids (Saturday Morning Chores) Creating your own simple cleaning routines Homemaker, on Purpose (the guidebook) Working on your sense of capability 115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom? 170. Planning the Day (reactive vs proactive, tools and approaches I use) 129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it.   Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)   Upcoming workshops and coaching: The Oct 13 group coaching session The Oct 27 workshop on motivation Full transcript (with timestamps) 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast. 0:16 This episode is part two, actually. So I would encourage you to go back to the previous episode and listen to that first. These episodes are on planning my day planning my week and the first episode I talked about applying that concept of if everything matters, nothing matters. And I think that's just really a good foundation to have in the back of your mind when you're thinking about filling your day, and how you're going to fill your day. So I encourage you to go back and listen to that. 0:42 Let's talk about my typical day, which is a question you guys have asked me. I kind of like hearing on other people's days, I don't know, I they used to do that Instagram challenge, like a day in the life or I forget what it's called, like one hour every? I don't know. Anyways, I thought it was really interesting. I like to peek in on how other people were spending their time. So I'm going to talk about my day and then answer a bunch of questions that you guys have sent in. 1:09 So my typical day, week day, I'm going to wake up around 720. And I have a timer for the Internet and like the Internet app on my phone. So the kids can't turn the TV or iPad on until seven because they were waking up really early just to watch TV. So they are watching a little bit of TV by the time I'm up. And I get up, we all kind of get ready, the kids leave. Generally, they're all over the door by 830. And then I can eat breakfast, make a coffee and get started on my workday. 1:38 So I spend my day working, I break for lunch in lunchtime. I like to like go out in the kitchen, listen to a podcast, maybe go outside, if the weather's nice, maybe go for a 10 minute walk, go back to work. And you know, because I'm working from home, I can do things like throw the laundry through, get the meat out of the freezer, because we're always forgetting to build a meat out army, do a quick living room tidy when the kids are heading out the door. And I head back to work. 2:04 So the kids come home between three and 330. Actually, my oldest usually comes on first. So we actually get about like 10 or 15 minutes to just cat...