Our Fake History

In 1592 the Japanese launched a massive invasion of the Korean Peninsula. The Japanese leader Toyotomi Hideyoshi believed that Korea would submit without much of a fight and that his army would very quickly move on to the real target, the capital of Ming China. Six years later the Japanese were still fighting in Korea. What the Koreans call the Imjin War has recently been redubbed the Great East Asian War by scholars in recognition of it's truly massive scope. Based on the sheer number of soldiers involved this was the largest war fought anywhere in the word in the 1500's. But despite that this conflict has remained relatively obscure outside of Korea. Why? Tune-in and find out how eager to please sandal-bearers, Huck Finn, and the most convoluted title for a leader in history all play a role in the story.

For this throwback Sebastian takes you all the way back to a first season favorite. Ninjas, Japan’s shadow warriors, have been a pop-culture staple for generations. The legend of the ninjas has become so overblown, that some have gone so far to suggest that they never truly existed. But that is just what the ninjas want us to believe! The ninjas were very real, and they played a pivotal role in Japan’s “warring states period”. Nevertheless, separating ninja-fact from ninja-fiction continues to be a tall order. Listen and find out how medieval water noodles, puppet emperors, toilet warriors, and Seb’s horrific pronunciation of Japanese names all fit into the story!

Our Fake History celebrates 200 episodes by opening up the phonelines and taking calls from listeners and past guests. Fans from all over the world pose questions and queries and Sebastian does his best to answer thoughtfully. How does Sebastian choose his sources? Which historical figure would he transport here "Bill and Ted" style? Did pirates really have treasure maps? Is there such a thing as objective truth? Tune-in and find out how Achilles numbers, time capsules, and a lot of "long time listeners first time callers" all play a role in the story.

There are few Christian saints more misunderstood than St. Patrick. Ireland’s patron saint is best known for driving the snakes off the island, but that isn’t even close to the most interesting thing about him. Both the legend of St. Patrick and the details of his real life have been poorly remembered. Driving the snakes out of Ireland is nothing compared to the wizard duels described in the medieval sources. Have we completely missed the boat on what makes St. Patrick worth remembering? Tune-in and find out how poisoned wine, miracle pigs, and demon fossils all play a role in the story.

The attempted invasion of England in 1588 was doomed even before the first ship left harbor. The Spanish plan was fatally flawed and pretty much every commander knew it. The plan was audacious, but it was also weirdly vague. The Spanish also made a fateful choice when they entered the English channel that essential ensured that the English would have a tactical advantage during the entire encounter. King Phillip II may have constructed the largest fleet in Atlantic history, but was England ever really in danger? Tune-in and find out how the maritime high-ground, singeing the King's beard, and a doomed English Armada all play a role in the story.

In 1588 King Phillip II of Spain constructed the largest fleet ever seen on the Atlantic in attempt to invade England. This attempt famously flopped. At the time this was celebrated as an English triumph in the face of impossible odds, and over the centuries English historians echoed this Elizabethan propaganda. This led to some in the Victorian era declaring that the defeat of the Armada had been one of the most pivotal moments in the history of the world. However, more recently the scholarly view of this event has changed. Has the reputation of the Spanish Armada been grossly inflated by patriotic myths? Tune-in and find out how fake milkmen, English pirates, and good old fashioned pluck all play a role in the story.

In this throwback episode Sebastian takes you all the way back to the very first episode of OFH ever released. Queen Elizabeth I is easily one of England’s most celebrated monarchs. The so-called “virgin queen” has been credited with leading England through a golden age. However, she is also the subject of countless historical myths and conspiracy theories. This week we unpack the scandalous tale that Queen Elizabeth was actually an impostor in drag. Listen and find out how King Henry VIII, Dracula, Catherine the Great’s horse, and an unlucky kid named Neville all figure in the story!

The reign of the Emperor Caligula has been presented as a cavalcade of bizarre and violent behavior. From declaring war on the ocean to building a five kilometer floating bridge so he could ride his horse over the sea, many of the most infamous stories about the emperor emphasize his mania. However, many of the most upsetting tales about Caligula are likely not true. One of the only eye-witness accounts of the emperor in action present him as arrogant, but hardly insane. If the worst stories about Caligula are fabrications, then why was he so hated? Tune-in and find out how shame trophies, Alexander the Great's breast plate, and vulgar displays of power all play a role in the story.

When the Emperor Gaius, better known as Caligula, was first elevated to the role of Princeps things seemed promising. He sought to repair the relationship with the Senate damaged by his predecessor, Tiberius. He ended the former emperor's much abused treason trials. He invested in building projects, public infrastructure, and large entertaining spectacles. It seemed like he was trying to follow the model set by the first emperor Augustus. But, then at some point in his reign things changed. Before long Caligula would find himself at war with the men of the Senate. What caused this sudden shift in Caligula's temperament? Tune-in and find out how island orgies, political magic shows, and a dinner with a horse all play a role in the story.

The Roman Emperor Gaius, better known by his childhood nickname Caligula, is often counted among the worst rulers in the history of the world. According to some ancient sources his tumultuous four year reign was defined by wonton cruelty, sadistic sexual excess, and unchecked bloodlust. However, the ancient writers that tell us these tales are among the most untrustworthy sources from the Roman period. Was Caligula truly a monster, or has an unsuccessful emperor been transformed into an historically evil character by scandal obsessed historians? Tune-in and find out how Roger Ebert, George Constanza, and Grandpa's custom muscle car all play a role in the story.

Our Fake History is now releasing "throwback" episodes in the off-weeks between series. The regular show will still hit the feed every two weeks, but once a series has wrapped up listeners will get a little extra: a classic episode with a fresh introduction from Sebastian. This week you are getting thrown all the way back to Episode #2! The “Great Fire” of 64 AD was the 9/11 of the ancient world, complete with it’s own “truther” conspiracy. Could Emperor Nero actually have been behind the great fire? Did he play the fiddle as Rome burned? Listen and find out how murderous oarsmen, zombie emperors, human street lamps, the number of the beast, and something called “pseudo-Neros” all fit into the story!

In 1791 Wolfgang Mozart was one the verge of a comeback. After being the toast of Vienna for half a decade, his music was starting to be considered passé by the late 1780's. A turbulent war between Austria and Turkey and an economic depression only made matters worse. But in 1791 Mozart scored a huge hit with his opera The Magic Flute. Sadly the composer barely got a chance to savor his renewed acclaim, as only three months after the opera's premiere Mozart died in his Vienna apartment. Was Mozart the victim of foul play? Was there something in the Magic Flute that had angered the wrong people? Tune-in and find out how Margaret Thatcher, a bird who could sing concertos, and letters about poop all play a role in the story.

Wolfgang Mozart made the transition from child prodigy to adult artist fairly seamlessly, but that does not mean there weren't road bumps. Many musicians were skeptical of the boy from Salzburg. Was he more than just a musical freak of nature? Did he really have something to say musically? Many modern Mozart fans tend to either remember Mozart's art as the universally beloved apotheosis of 18th century classical music, or as criminally misunderstood works of genius that only future generations would fully appreciate. Is either assessment really accurate? Tune-in and find out how a Vatican heist, Italian conspiracies, and a swift kick in the ass all play a role in the story.

There are few artists who are praised with the same level of hyperbole as Wolfgang Mozart. The German poet Franz Alexander von Kleist once said “Mozart's music is so beautiful as to entice angels down to earth.” The famous Russian composer Tchaikovsky declared that Mozart was no less than a "musical Christ." With praise that grandiose it can be hard to believe that Mozart was a flesh and blood human being. The stories of Mozart's dazzling genius begin when he was only a small child. He was writing his first compositions at age of five and had written his first symphony by the age of eight. There is no denying Mozart's great talent, but how much stock should we put in the tales of childhood brilliance. Tune-in and find out how royal proposals, an interminable penny whistle solo, and Sebastian's middle name all play a role in the story.

The character of Zorro clearly had a number of inspirations, some literary and some historical. But the proto-Zorro with the deepest mythology is undoubtedly the Mexican bandit Joaquin Murrieta. The outlaw was allegedly a master of disguise who made a sport of taunting his would-be bounty hunters. He was said to have escaped death countless times, while robbing gold and horses from the Americans he had grown to despise. But, for many Joaquin's remarkable life seemed out of step with his unceremonious death at the hands of the California Rangers. Was Joaquin actually killed in 1853? If not, then whose head did they put in a jar? Tune-in and out how Pathkiller II, a red-headed stranger, and three-fingered work all play a role in the story.

The co-creator of Batman has admitted that there would be no caped crusader had it not been for the inspiration of masked-avenger Zorro. In turn, the character of Zorro could not have existed without the inspiration of real California outlaws. In 1848 the Mexican-American War came to a close and a year later gold was discovered in the newly American territory of California. Tens of thousands of former Mexican citizens suddenly became Americans and thousands more soon flooded across the border, lured by the promise of gold. But, both native Californios and newly arrived Mexicans soon found themselves the victims of racist violence and restrictive government policies. In this climate Mexican bandits living outside the law became heroes to the oppressed. But were outlaws like the legendary "bandit king" Joaquin Murrieta more myth than man? Tune-in and find out how helpful butlers, liberal plagiarism, and three bitter blows all play a role in the story.

The Salem witch panic of 1692 can sometimes feel more like a natural disaster than a human event. When the crisis reached its peak in the late summer of 1692 it had become as chaotic and destructive as any extreme storm. The return of Governor William Phips from England with a new colonial charter in May 1692 meant that the official proceedings of the witch trials could finally get underway. However, the prosecution and execution of the first batch of Salem witches didn't seem to slow the rate of accusations. The more people who were hanged in Salem, the larger the Satanic conspiracy seemed to grow. Before the crisis was over the even the Governor's wife would be accused of consorting with the devil. Tune-in and find out how spectral evidence, a dude named Cotton, and a 300 year curse all play a role in the story.

Can a psychological illness become contagious? Many experts believe that in rare cases a phenomenon known as a "mass psychogenic illness" can break out in a population. Can this strange quirk of group psychology help us understand the Salem Witch Crisis of 1692? The community had been stressed by local factionalism, regional political turmoil, and a global climate crisis. The strange behavior of a few young girls quickly escalated into accusations of witchcraft against three local women. But a disturbing confession from one of the accused would transform a typical New England witch-hunt into uncontrollable witch panic. Tune-in and find out how a toxic bus event, a witch cake, and three-foot hairy imp all play a role in the story.

In 1692 in the town of Salem Village, Massachusetts, two young girls started acting very strangely. The girls suffered from uncontrollable fits, bouts of incoherence, and odd outbursts including barking and choking sounds. A physician summoned to examine them concluded that the only explanation was that the girls were "under an evil hand." They were bewitched. This sparked a full fledged witchcraft panic that ended up claiming the lives of 25 people and destabilizing the entire Massachusetts Bay Colony. The ensuing Salem Witch Trials have been pointed to as a pivotal moment in American colonial history, but so much of the incident remains mysterious and clouded by mythmaking. How do you explain one of the strangest events in American history? Tune-in and find out how Black Sabbath, Cunning Folk, and the Miracle Max all play a role in the story.

In 1906 an ex-convict named Wilhelm Voigt living pulled off one of the most audacious heists in European history. After cobbling together a realistic looking Captain's uniform, he convinced ten German soldiers to follow his commands and help him rob a townhall in the Berlin suburb of Köpenick. The heist played like a perfect piece of satirical theatre that revealed uncomfortable truths about Imperial German society.  After his arrest Wilhelm Voigt was celebrated as a folk hero all around the country. All the German papers agreed that the caper had been hilarious, but they just couldn't agree on who had been the butt of the joke. Tune-in and find out how sleepy cops, 4000 marks, and the worlds most embarrassed mayor all play a role in the story.